My last post, "On Doctor Who," sat there, saved as a draft, for nearly a week before I finally got up the nerve to click the orange "publish" button.
Maybe I'm scared to post things to the internet because I'm scared of doing something stupid and being judged for it, maybe because I'm scared of somehow going viral for some reason, maybe because I don't want to become even more addicted to the internet than I already am. Whatever the reason, however, I am, indeed, scared of posting things to the internet.
Part of me thinks this is a fear to be overcome, that it's like stage fright, and that I need to just grow up and push past it.
Part of me also thinks that, maybe, I feel that fear for a reason. Maybe some part of my subconscious knows that no good will come if I post too many things to the internet.
Regardless, I feel that fear. And, regardless, I'm posting things to the internet.
I love shopping for school supplies. I'm not sure why I do, but I know it's not just me, and that lots of people love shopping for school supplies. Maybe the act of buying something new reminds students that there is a new year about to commence, and maybe the act of buying is just really fun. Regardless, school shopping is awesome.
Sorry for the lower-quality post.
Do you enjoy school shopping? Do you ever get internet posting-related anxiety? I'd genuinely like to know.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
On Doctor Who
“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
That's how I felt about Doctor Who when I started watching it maybe 5 years ago. I always tried to get people to watch it, and I would always be overjoyed to find another person who watched it already, because, in America, or, at least, where I live, it was like a secret little club.
I know a lot of people found out about Doctor Who through Youtubers like Charlie McDonnell. Incidentally, I found out about Charlie McDonnell and other Youtubers through Doctor Who. One day, my mom showed me the original video for "Blink," and I was already a Whovian, and I thought it was great. A few years later, I thought, "Hey... I wanna watch that video again. And I wonder what that guy's doing now!" Well, "that guy" was getting close to hitting a million subscribers, and has since passed that mark.
While I think it's great that so many more people are discovering and enjoying a great show, I miss the feeling of being in a secret club that came with the show not being very well known in America. If you found another Whovian, you'd quote little bits of the show and discuss your favorite episodes, and you'd know that, if they liked the show, despite it not being popular, then they must really like the show. They weren't doing it for appearances. You'd have this thing that you both knew about, and the people around you had no idea.
I normally keep this feeling to myself because people see it as an "incorrect" feeling to have. People mock you for being a "hipster," and feel insulted, attacked, if they're one of the recently-converted Whovians. I don't mean to insult or attack!
Maybe part of the reason I feel this way about the show is that I tried to get people to watch it when I first found it, but they wouldn't. Now, they're watching it because they've heard about it on tumblr, on Youtube, from other people, and that's great! I'm glad they're watching it! I'm glad they're enjoying it! I am, however, a little hurt that they wouldn't watch it when I suggested it, but are watching and loving it now. And that's another part of the problem: I don't know that they really are enjoying it. There are some new Whovians who obviously enjoy the show as much as I think they should, but there are even more who seem to like it because it's "cool" to like it, without really appreciating it for being as fantastic as it is.
But, of course, that's ridiculous; I can't know whether or not they really like it! Furthermore, everyone reacts differently to things, everyone likes different things for different reasons and at different levels. But the "weird evangelical zeal" that Doctor Who instilled in me carried with it an expectation that new viewers would also be filled with that same feeling. So, when I hear someone say, "Doctor Who is weird, but I like it," I'm glad that they like it, but I'm also a bit angry and defensive about their thinking it's weird, imperfect. This is also, of course, ridiculous, because it's not perfect -- nothing is. It just feels like some kind of blasphemy to insult the show, because I've been so attached to it for so long.
I feel torn because, while I'm really happy that they like the show, I liked it being a "secret" (in America), I'm hurt that they didn't watch it when I recommended it to them, but are watching it so much now, and I feel like they don't always like it "enough" or "in the right way." I try to fight feeling angry about it, because I know that's not fair. People watched the show before I did, and I would have been sad and defensive if someone was angry about my watching it.
And, I suppose, I'm also a little hurt because, since I've loved it so much for nearly 5 years, the show is personal for me. I love it, and I don't want to share it. Which is, of course, ridiculous. The show isn't mine to share. Other people are sharing it with me. A whole other country is sharing it with me. I have no right. And, yet, I still feel this way.
Doctor Who isn't the only thing I feel this way about. Do you feel this way about anything?
That's how I felt about Doctor Who when I started watching it maybe 5 years ago. I always tried to get people to watch it, and I would always be overjoyed to find another person who watched it already, because, in America, or, at least, where I live, it was like a secret little club.
I know a lot of people found out about Doctor Who through Youtubers like Charlie McDonnell. Incidentally, I found out about Charlie McDonnell and other Youtubers through Doctor Who. One day, my mom showed me the original video for "Blink," and I was already a Whovian, and I thought it was great. A few years later, I thought, "Hey... I wanna watch that video again. And I wonder what that guy's doing now!" Well, "that guy" was getting close to hitting a million subscribers, and has since passed that mark.
While I think it's great that so many more people are discovering and enjoying a great show, I miss the feeling of being in a secret club that came with the show not being very well known in America. If you found another Whovian, you'd quote little bits of the show and discuss your favorite episodes, and you'd know that, if they liked the show, despite it not being popular, then they must really like the show. They weren't doing it for appearances. You'd have this thing that you both knew about, and the people around you had no idea.
I normally keep this feeling to myself because people see it as an "incorrect" feeling to have. People mock you for being a "hipster," and feel insulted, attacked, if they're one of the recently-converted Whovians. I don't mean to insult or attack!
Maybe part of the reason I feel this way about the show is that I tried to get people to watch it when I first found it, but they wouldn't. Now, they're watching it because they've heard about it on tumblr, on Youtube, from other people, and that's great! I'm glad they're watching it! I'm glad they're enjoying it! I am, however, a little hurt that they wouldn't watch it when I suggested it, but are watching and loving it now. And that's another part of the problem: I don't know that they really are enjoying it. There are some new Whovians who obviously enjoy the show as much as I think they should, but there are even more who seem to like it because it's "cool" to like it, without really appreciating it for being as fantastic as it is.
But, of course, that's ridiculous; I can't know whether or not they really like it! Furthermore, everyone reacts differently to things, everyone likes different things for different reasons and at different levels. But the "weird evangelical zeal" that Doctor Who instilled in me carried with it an expectation that new viewers would also be filled with that same feeling. So, when I hear someone say, "Doctor Who is weird, but I like it," I'm glad that they like it, but I'm also a bit angry and defensive about their thinking it's weird, imperfect. This is also, of course, ridiculous, because it's not perfect -- nothing is. It just feels like some kind of blasphemy to insult the show, because I've been so attached to it for so long.
I feel torn because, while I'm really happy that they like the show, I liked it being a "secret" (in America), I'm hurt that they didn't watch it when I recommended it to them, but are watching it so much now, and I feel like they don't always like it "enough" or "in the right way." I try to fight feeling angry about it, because I know that's not fair. People watched the show before I did, and I would have been sad and defensive if someone was angry about my watching it.
And, I suppose, I'm also a little hurt because, since I've loved it so much for nearly 5 years, the show is personal for me. I love it, and I don't want to share it. Which is, of course, ridiculous. The show isn't mine to share. Other people are sharing it with me. A whole other country is sharing it with me. I have no right. And, yet, I still feel this way.
Doctor Who isn't the only thing I feel this way about. Do you feel this way about anything?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)