On presents

If I could, I'd spend over $100 on presents. Maybe when I can finally get a job...

I'm all about the bundle. The pack of little, normally inexpensive, but also normally meaningful or fun, gifts. Inside jokes or things the person once told me they wanted...

A cousin told me once that I'm a great gift-giver. I'm gonna cling to that compliment.

Today, I'm gonna be mailing two letters and a package, as well as ordering some gifts, but most gifts I'm gonna get while on holiday this winter. I'm itching to start now, though. I've been thinking I might give out cheap pre-Christmas Christmas presents now. Maybe a ton of playlists and cookies.

Until I can actually get the presents I want to get, I'll just daydream about what I could get people.

And study.

Right.

Finals this upcoming week, one lab final already passed

I'm gonna be studying a lot, too.

(Oh, yeah, did I mention I'm almost done with my first quarter in college now? That's a thing.)

Bikers

While I walk to and from classes, I watch the bikes.

I've only been doing this the last two or three days, because I've only had classes since Thursday, and, before that, before campus was busy and dangerous, I biked whenever I could (i.e.: before sundown).

Aside from enjoying seeing the different kinds of bikes, I like watching the riders themselves.

Unlike when walking, they're not really likely to be talking to people around them, even if they know them, and, unlike when walking, they're not in full control of their modes of transportation.

I like watching the varying levels of biking comfort, the looks on peoples' faces as they enter and exit bike circles, avoid pedestrians, cross streets, check their phones, look for a place to lock up. They're not pondering or deep in thought in the same way they may be while walking, while totally in control of their movement; they're thinking, on some level, about biking, at all times. "Turn, stop, slow down, speed up, look left, look right, crosswalk, turn." It's similar to when people drive, from what I've seen, but, unlike looking at other people in other cars, or even looking at someone driving a car you're in, watching people bike is... personal. Vulnerable. You can see their whole body, the subtleties of their movements, every exact and tiny reaction to every exact and tiny action, even those that are unintended. The glancing, the blank-mindedness, the full concentration that they give riding is relaxing, and peaceful, both when you're the biker and when you're watching the biker. And, I think, when you watch someone bike, see them bike by and react and predict and not really think about anything other than their current actions, and at most their very next action, you see a part of them that you don't often get to. You see them almost asleep, hibernating, so to speak, putting their personalities on pause to focus on their actions. They may be slack-jawed, or blank-faced, or maybe their brows are furrowed in concentration, or they're smiling, briefly awoken from the drowsy, near-sleeping state of whole, pure concentration by the presence of a familiar face, or by an expectation to respond with gratitude to kind passerby, fellow bikers, or drivers of cars.

I like that.

That's all.

Fictional reality

Every now and then, it's nighttime, and everyone, or almost everyone, I know has gone to sleep, and I'm still awake, and I'm surfing the internet, or reading a book, but I'm not fully absorbed into something, and my mind wanders, and I notice that I've begun to start picking at things in my life, that I've begun to start seeing problems where everything's fine or good or great, and I force myself to go to bed, I remind myself that it's never good to make rash decisions at 2 in the morning, that what I suddenly feel like I need to "fix" is most likely not even broken, but just seems like it is because it's dark and there are shadows and I can't see things clearly at night.
I think that won't happen as much once the school year starts as it has been happening lately. It didn't really happen last school year, or at least not enough for me to notice and realize what was actually happening. I think it's the free time, the freedom but the lack thereof that comes of not being able to drive, not yet having a working bike, not having many friends who are able to, much less are available to, drive me places.
It gets lonely up in my attic room, but it's so warm up there that I can barely be bothered to just walk down a few stairs to go see my mom or my grandmother, to call a friend, to do anything, and I know that the loneliness will pass if I just wait.
Waiting's not my ideal solution, but it'll do.

I finished Dollhouse earlier today. I'll have to find a new show now that I've finished Buffy and Firefly and Dollhouse. I'll have to find a new bit of fiction to suck me in and keep me from inventing problems that don't exist.

I like a little bit of fiction with my reality. Going too long without a dose of the impossible, without a story with witty characters who have their own "real" problems that may be made up but are still more real than the ones I come up with are, starts messing with me. I need help getting perspective. After all, at least I'm not responsible for an apocalypse. At least I haven't died twice and lost countless loved ones. At least I'm not a leaf on the wind.

Any TV recommendations?

Antsy, artsy, ranty

So, for the past week or so, I've had a post idea ready in my head... But there are still some things I need to do before I can make this post idea post-idea, if you will, and, when I say "I need to do" them, I mean "I'm waiting on them to be done." So, I've been sitting here, ready and a-waitin' to write that blog post, and it's still not ready, and, today, I realized, "Hey! It's been a week since I last blogged! Why?"
Well, I've been waiting on those things to get done.
Each day, I've thought, "Oh, I'll be able to post it tomorrow! I'm sure everything'll be ready then!"
...Nope. A little frustrating, but oh, well.

So, finally, I'm giving up on having that post be this post. That post will happen, but it won't happen now.

Get it?
Got it?
Good.

So, I've been having this antsy "I wanna take pictures and get them developed and do stuff!" thing going on today, as well as an "Ow, why am I so sore? I worked out in the morning yesterday! If this was gonna happen, it should have happened sooner!" thing and an "Aaah, good mornin - it's 1 p.m.. By the time I get around to doing anything, everything will be closed. Give up now." thing going on, and, as a result, I'm mildly irritable and generally a little frustrated. I was worse earlier in the day, though, and, having eaten some an hour or two ago, I'm feeling a bit better, and I've gone from "I can't do anything!" to "I'm gonna do stuff anyways!"

I'll probably do some yoga or some light workout later, and then watch Dollhouse, and then read for maybe two hours, and then go to sleep, but, who knows? Maybe I'll do more.

Here, have a playlist post I put up on tumblr. I figure, since I've secretly always wanted to be a radio DJ, I might as well work on makin' some playlists, right? If I wanna do it (be a radio DJ), I've gotta goshdarn do it!

Sorry this post is so scattered! I'm sure that post will be much better!
What would you five think about me starting up occasional fitness-related posts?

She works hard for the money

So, I recently (accidentally) got a job as a math tutor, and more specifically a statistics tutor, and, my last two/first two sessions were pretty much fine, and at longest 2 hours, but today's session was 3.5 hours, and I. Am. Exhausted.

My cat woke me up 45 minutes before my alarm was meant to go off, and then caused trouble until I pulled myself out of bed.
I ate toast and drank some poorly made coffee.
I got ready, and headed on over.
And we worked on stats.
And worked on stats.
And worked. On. Stats.

I came home, ate (my stomach had been growling so much the last half hour of the session!), and curled up in bed... for about ten minutes, after which I had to move on to my next engagement (which is going on right now, and isn't tutoring or anything I shouldn't be online for, I promise).

After this (two hours from now), I'm gonna work out, sleep, watch some Dollhouse, read, and do some interior design-y things, and not necessarily in that order.

So far, all I've bought with money from my new job is a book, Notes From A Coma by Mike McCormack, which I have yet to start.

Speaking of books I have yet to start, because I got into a certain program at my school, I have to read two books over the summer, and have just recently found out what they are, and have yet to even think too hard about starting them. They sound interesting! I just haven't gotten started on them yet.

My summer will be ending soon, and I've only got so many days left to get done everything I've been planning to do. I know some of the things on my summer bucket list won't happen, but I'm hoping I can cross at least a few things off soon.

Do any of y'all have anything you're trying to squeeze in in these last few weeks of summer?

Another picture from that little camping trip I keep going on about.

ALSO, do any of you have an Instax camera? I've been wanting one for a while, but I'm wondering if they're worth the price and if they live up to the hype.

Things I try to do/things I will do when I can do them more easily

I make lists. Like, all the time. So, here's a list of things I want to do/will do/already do, and, more specifically, a list of things that make me feel good and productive and pampered.

• Make lists (including "to-do" lists that I actually can cross things off of).
• Read (fiction, non-fiction, news articles, blog posts, etc.).
• Find/try something new (a book, a band, a blog, a website, a place, an activity, a recipe, etc.).
• Make something (a drawing, a painting, a song, a cover, a poem, a short story, a screenplay, a blog post, etc.).
• Drink tea (and, more specifically, make loose-leaf tea, because of the extra effort it takes).
• Paint my nails (something I never get around to doing!).
• Work out (ideally: swim laps).
• Put aside the time to watch a movie or an episode of a TV show in one sitting, with no/minimal interruptions (I haven't been doing this much lately! I think I will today! Do you have any recommendations?).
• Cook something from scratch (with a new or old recipe).

What do you guys do/want to do to feel good and/or productive and/or pampered?

Longer blog post coming soon!